Actor R Madhavan has often spoken candidly about his decades-long relationship with wife Sarita Birje. Their story began in 1991 when Sarita attended one of Madhavan s personality development
Actor R Madhavan has often spoken candidly about his decades-long relationship with wife Sarita Birje. Their story began in 1991 when Sarita attended one of Madhavan’s personality development classes while aspiring to become an air hostess. According to the actor, he maintained a professional distance because he was her teacher at the time. Their relationship blossomed only after she completed her training and invited him to dinner as a gesture of gratitude. The couple married in 1999 after dating for eight years and later welcomed their son, Vedaant, in 2005.
Over the years, Madhavan has repeatedly emphasised the importance of equality and mutual respect in his marriage. In an earlier podcast with Ranveer Allahbadia, he explained, “We fight as much as any couple. We have a great respect for each other. For Sarita, I am not just a national star or an actor, so she has to feel privileged to be the wife of. She’s an equal partner with the guy who fell in love with her and respects her. And I lose no opportunity to make her feel how lucky I am.”
DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.
According to SCREEN, Madhavan has also credited filmmaker Mani Ratnam for offering advice that influenced how he approached married life while working in the film industry. Recalling the guidance, he said, “He said many couples test their relationships fatally when there is no need to. I realised that there were many temptations — being in outdoor shoots in the company of beautiful women. I took Sarita everywhere I went. This way, she was around when I got introduced to actresses. I was never lonely during my outstation schedules. When Sarita sees me in a romantic scene, she knows the sentiments behind it are not real.”
To understand how one can sustain long-term relationships, we spoke with an expert.
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “Respect is often misunderstood because people associate it with being courteous or avoiding conflict. In long-term relationships, respect is reflected in much smaller and more consistent ways. It is about whether your partner’s thoughts, feelings, choices, and boundaries continue to matter to you even after years together.”
He adds that grand gestures can be meaningful, but they are occasional. “Respect is what shows up every day. It is present in how couples speak to each other during disagreements, how they make decisions, and whether they continue to remain curious about each other as individuals rather than assuming they already know everything there is to know.”
Many couples successfully navigate differences in status, success, or visibility. Problems usually arise when those differences begin shaping the emotional dynamics of the relationship.
What tends to protect relationships is the ability to recognise different forms of contribution. “One person may bring financial stability, while the other may be providing emotional grounding, practical support, or holding the family together during difficult periods. When couples genuinely value each other’s contributions, there is less room for hierarchy and more room for partnership,” highlights the expert.
According to Raj, one of the realities of long-term relationships is that familiarity can sometimes make appreciation quieter. People become accustomed to each other’s presence, effort, and reliability. What was once deeply valued slowly becomes expected. “A simple acknowledgement of effort, support, patience, or care can have a powerful impact because it communicates, ‘I see what you do, and it matters to me.'”
Over time, these moments shape the emotional climate of a relationship. Appreciation helps people feel recognised rather than taken for granted.