What Does A Real Trauma Bond Look Like Therapist Jeff Guenther Shares 9 Questions To Ask To Know If You Are In One

Ever since therapy speak has become mainstream, people have been increasingly using specific terms to define specific relationships. One such term is trauma bonding, which is a strong, unhealthy emotional attachment that develops between an abused person and their abuser.

“We’re going to talk about what a real, actual trauma bond looks like and figure out if maybe you’re in one. I will tell you what it feels like, and then we’ll go through a little checklist together,” he stated.

“So, if you want to get down to like the emotional experience of it all, a trauma bond feels like you desperately want to be in the relationship even though you can’t really explain why. And the pain and intensity that you’re probably mistaking for love is kind of what’s holding it all together.”

Jeffrey shared the following questions to help one figure out if they are in a trauma-bonded relationship, noting that if they are, they are likely to answer “yes” to all of them.

“If it turns out you’re in a trauma bond, I want you to be really compassionate with yourself,” shared Jeff. “Trauma bonds will f**k you up in the head and make you act in ways that are just like not in alignment with who you really are. It can feel absolutely crazy-making.”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.

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Jeff Guenther is a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, Oregon. He has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy from the University of Southern California and a bachelor's degree in child and family development from San Diego State University.

Debapriya Bhattacharya is a Content Producer at Hindustan Times. He started his career in 2022, working in newsrooms in beats like education, US news, trending stories, and entertainment. In his new role in the lifestyle desk, he seeks to deliver a balanced blend of research-driven reporting and creative storytelling from health and recipes to art and culture. Science, philosophy, food and pop culture are what pump his veins and help bring heart to his stories. Debapriya tries to see out subjects that will allow him and readers to explore new frontiers and improve the quality of life for all. The explorations can be both external and internal, as thoughts seek to be as chaotic as the greater universe. As a citizen of the world, Debapriya has been fascinated by the lives of people across the globe throughout time. His curiosity leads him to explore new linguistic and cultural landscapes to broaden his horizons and deepen his understanding of global narratives. Beyond the newsroom, Debapriya loves to participate in debate and theatre, spaces that he considers to be holy grounds for nuance and self-expression. A graduate from Ashutosh College, University of Calcutta, Debapriya completed his Master's degree from the same university in 2022. An ambiverted bibliophile, he loves his solitude as much as he adores stimulating conversations. And despite his reverence for tech, libraries continue to be his favourite place for research.Read More