Psychology Says Compliments Feel More Genuine When Theyre Unexpectedly Specific

A compliment can take only a few seconds to deliver, but some stay with people for years while others disappear almost immediately. Saying You look great is pleasant, but telling someone, That color really brings out your eyes, or You have a way of explaining complicated things without making people feel stupid can feel much more personal. Psychology helps explain why. Specific praise gives the recipient evidence that the other person was actually paying attention rather than simply offering a socially expected nice comment. Research by psychologists Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley has found that people often underestimate how positively others will respond to genuine compliments, suggesting that we may be more hesitant to express appreciation than we need to be. When a compliment is both sincere and detailed, it can communicate not only approval but also recognition, making the person feel seen rather than simply praised.Specific compliments show that you were paying attentionOne reason specific compliments can feel genuine is that they contain information that a generic compliment does not.Consider the difference between Great presentation and The example you used to explain the budget problem made the whole presentation much easier to follow. The second statement identifies an actual behavior and explains why it mattered.133065945That distinction is important in social psychology because people constantly try to determine whether another person's behavior is genuine or merely socially motivated. Research on person perception shows that people form impressions about others from relatively small amounts of interpersonal information.A detailed compliment can therefore function as evidence of attention. It suggests the speaker noticed something particular rather than relying on a standard phrase.Unexpected praise can feel more spontaneousTiming also matters. A compliment delivered when someone has not asked for reassurance may feel more spontaneous.Imagine a friend finishes telling you about a difficult week. Instead of saying, You're amazing, you say, I noticed you still checked on everyone else even when you were exhausted. That says a lot about how thoughtful you are. Because the observation arises naturally from the conversation, it can feel less like flattery and more like genuine recognition.That does not mean compliments need to be surprising to work. Research from Zhao and Epley found that people tend to underestimate how good genuine compliments make recipients feel and overestimate the awkwardness they will create. Across nine experiments, recipients generally responded more positively than compliment-givers expected.Processing fluency can make familiar praise feel differentAnother useful concept is processing fluency, which refers to how easily the brain processes information. Researchers including Rolf Reber, Norbert Schwarz and Piotr Winkielman have studied how processing fluency can influence judgments and feelings.A familiar phrase such as You're awesome is easy to process, but that does not necessarily make it meaningless. The problem is that generic praise can provide little information about why the speaker feels that way.Specificity adds substance. You're patient tells someone a trait. You waited until everyone had finished speaking before responding, even though you disagreed points to observable evidence. The second compliment gives the brain something concrete to evaluate.Specific praise can make people feel seenPsychologists often distinguish between evaluation and recognition. A broad compliment evaluates someone positively. A detailed compliment can also communicate that the speaker has noticed their behavior, effort or personality.This is one reason praise can be especially meaningful in relationships and workplaces.A manager might tell an employee, Good job. But consider: The way you handled that frustrated customer without becoming defensive kept the conversation productive. The second statement recognizes a specific skill and its impact.Research on praise has long suggested that compliments serve several social functions, including reinforcement, encouragement and relationship-building. Psychologists Catherine Delin and Roy Baumeister examined praise as more than simple social reinforcement, noting its role in interpersonal interactions and influence.The best compliments usually have a reason behind themSpecificity works best when it is authentic. Adding unnecessary details to make a compliment sound sincere can have the opposite effect.For example, telling a coworker, Your incredible ability to transform every single meeting into a masterpiece is unbelievable may sound exaggerated. A simpler observation, You asked the question everyone else seemed hesitant to ask , is easier to believe.This connects to the psychological importance of credibility and authenticity. People do not just evaluate the positive words themselves; they also consider whether the speaker appears sincere.That is why a quiet, unexpected observation can sometimes have more emotional impact than enthusiastic praise.Compliments can benefit the person giving them, tooThe psychology of compliments is not only about recipients. Zhao and Epley's research found that people frequently hold back from giving compliments because they expect the interaction to be awkward or assume the recipient will not care very much. Their experiments suggest those fears are often exaggerated.This creates an interesting social gap: people may want to express appreciation, but they hesitate because they are unsure how it will be received.A specific compliment can overcome that hesitation because it gives the speaker a clear reason for their praise.Genuine praise is about observation, not flatteryThe most meaningful compliment is rarely the most dramatic one. It is usually the one that communicates, I noticed something about you. That might mean recognizing a friend's patience, a colleague's problem-solving ability, a partner's thoughtful habit or a family member's quiet effort. The specificity makes the compliment personal because it connects positive words to something real.Psychology therefore offers a useful lesson: if you genuinely appreciate someone, don't assume they already know. Instead of reaching for the biggest compliment, describe the small thing that caught your attention. A simple, unexpected observation can communicate something powerful, not just that someone is good, but that you actually noticed why.FAQsWhy do specific compliments feel more genuine?Specific compliments provide concrete evidence that someone noticed a particular behavior, quality or effort. That can make the praise feel more personal than a generic statement.Are unexpected compliments more meaningful?They can be. When praise appears naturally and isn't prompted by a request for reassurance, it may feel more spontaneous. However, research does not suggest that unexpected timing alone guarantees sincerity.