Manisha Koirala Recalls Night Of Cancer Diagnosis I Felt I Will Die

Actor Manisha Koirala was diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer in 2012. She travelled to New York for treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, where she underwent surgery and chemotherapy. Manisha completed her final round of chemotherapy in April 2013 and was later declared cancer-free. Recently, the actor opened up about the fear and loneliness she experienced when she was diagnosed with cancer, recalling how the night after she received the news became one of the darkest moments of her life.

In a conversation with Sushant Pradhan, the actor said she was at Nepal’s Norvic International Hospital when she was told during the day that she had cancer. She said that night, faced with the possibility of death, felt like the “loneliest and longest” of her life.

“I was in the hospital and I was told I had cancer. That night, for me, was the loneliest and longest night. It just felt like a dark space. I felt I was going to die. In that moment, it is the scariest, darkest space — very, very lonely,” Koirala recalled.

The actor said her experience with cancer made her realise how lonely a patient can feel while dealing with a serious illness. She also spoke about how loneliness can exist even when a person is surrounded by others.

“Many times, I have felt loneliness. I realised when I had cancer how lonely a patient feels. It was the most horrible and terrible time one could feel. There are times when you feel lonely; it is a fact of life. There are times when you are okay with it,” she said.

“Life is a mixture of so many layers, so many different dimensions. Even in a crowd, you sometimes feel lonely, like you don’t belong. When I go to some Bollywood parties, I try to mingle around, but it doesn’t happen. You still want to be there, but you feel lonely. It is a part of the world where you feel lonely,” she added.

Manisha Koirala said the experience also forced her to reassess what was essential in her life and what was not.

“I got a second chance at life, so whatever was non-essential, I kept it all aside. Non-essential is actually when the base of your being is not aligned with your values,” she said.

The actor said she wanted to focus more on her family and have a smaller, more meaningful circle around her.

“I want my family to be a close-knit family. What I didn’t want was a crowd. I used to have an entourage of friends and all,” she said.

Koirala also admitted that she had previously neglected her health.

“I didn’t care a damn about my health. If I got a second chance at life, I would prioritise it,” she said.

She said the experience changed the way she wanted to live her life, with greater focus on health, relationships, nature and gratitude.

“So basically, I have four or five baskets. I want to have a few good, close friends. I want to have time for nature. I want to enjoy life, inhale life and be grateful that I am alive,” she said.

Manisha Koirala also spoke about the intense pace at which she worked during a phase of her career and admitted that she eventually became exhausted with acting.

“At one time, I was working on three or four films a day, 18 hours a day, non-stop. No Sundays, no Saturdays, nothing, for years and years. I had reached a stage in my career where I was tired and bored of my work,” she said.

The actor said the exhaustion eventually affected the professional decisions she made.

“I had reached a stage where I was tired of working. Then I started taking wrong decisions in terms of cinema. I felt I disregarded the love I got from my fans across the world,” she said.

The actor said the response she received from audiences after her cancer diagnosis made her reconsider the importance of her work.

“When I got cancer, so many messages came to me wishing me and praying for me. I realised my work is essential because all those messages and that goodwill came because of my work,” she said.

Koirala said she subsequently felt a greater responsibility towards her audience and wanted to be more selective about the work she did.

“So it was important for me to work well and give good-quality work, for myself and for the people who love my work,” she said.

Manisha Koirala made her Hindi film debut with Subhash Ghai’s Saudagar in 1991 and went on to become one of the most acclaimed actors of her generation. She delivered notable performances in films including 1942: A Love Story, Akele Hum Akele Tum, Khamoshi: The Musical, Bombay, Agni Sakshi, Gupt, Dil Se.., Mann, Lajja, Company and Escape from Taliban.

After her cancer treatment, she returned to acting and appeared in films including Dear Maya (2017), Sanju (2018) and Lust Stories (2018). In 2024, she reunited with Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who had directed her in Khamoshi: The Musical, for the Netflix series Heeramandi: The Diamond Bazaar, in which she played Mallikajaan.

Disclaimer: This article reflects personal reflections on dealing with serious illness, mental strain, and changing life priorities. The content is intended for general informational and inspirational purposes only and should not be construed as medical, psychological, or lifestyle advice.