Get Called Out Often For Being Too Defensive Therapist Jeffrey Meltzer Explains Why That Can Happen And What To Do

In a world where the population is on edge all the time and peace and serenity are rare, getting defensive seems to be the natural state for individuals. Some people are often called out for it, depending on how frequently they reach that state.

According to Jeffrey, people usually become defensive for two reasons.

“When someone criticises you, your brain may interpret it as a threat to how you see yourself,” explained the therapist. “That criticism can bring up shame or make you question how you see yourself. Your ego wants to get rid of those feelings quickly. So, you may argue, justify yourself, or immediately point out what the other person did wrong.”

The reaction may sound like, "Well, you do the same thing," or "you're completely misunderstanding me." In that moment, a person is protecting themselves before deciding whether there's any truth in what was said.

Jeffrey noted that some people respond before they fully process the criticism. They react first and evaluate later. This can leave the other person feeling like they cannot bring anything up without being attacked or pulled into an argument.

“To become less defensive, you need to work on both parts,” noted the therapist.

Jeffrey shared a two-step plan to become less defensive.

“Your goal is not to agree with everything people say about you. Your goal should be to become secure enough to listen without immediately going into self-protection,” he pointed out. “Because the more you pause before reacting, the safer it becomes for people to communicate honestly with you.”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master's in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.

Debapriya Bhattacharya is a Content Producer at Hindustan Times. He started his career in 2022, working in newsrooms in beats like education, US news, trending stories, and entertainment. In his new role in the lifestyle desk, he seeks to deliver a balanced blend of research-driven reporting and creative storytelling from health and recipes to art and culture. Science, philosophy, food and pop culture are what pump his veins and help bring heart to his stories. Debapriya tries to see out subjects that will allow him and readers to explore new frontiers and improve the quality of life for all. The explorations can be both external and internal, as thoughts seek to be as chaotic as the greater universe. As a citizen of the world, Debapriya has been fascinated by the lives of people across the globe throughout time. His curiosity leads him to explore new linguistic and cultural landscapes to broaden his horizons and deepen his understanding of global narratives. Beyond the newsroom, Debapriya loves to participate in debate and theatre, spaces that he considers to be holy grounds for nuance and self-expression. A graduate from Ashutosh College, University of Calcutta, Debapriya completed his Master's degree from the same university in 2022. An ambiverted bibliophile, he loves his solitude as much as he adores stimulating conversations. And despite his reverence for tech, libraries continue to be his favourite place for research.Read More