Before I Do What Private Eyes Reveal About Marriage

Not all that long ago, arranging a marriage involved merely matching janampatris and horoscopes, gotras and castes. Families depended on relatives and chitchat from their communities to veto a prospective spouse. Some amount of pre-marital due diligence is not new, but private investigators across India have reported a huge jump in enquiries for background checks post the Lohagad Fort tragedy. It turns out people are spooked by the story of 20-something Siya Goyal who allegedly pushed her fiancé Ketan Agarwal into a gorge. Today, the first question raised by either side is: has the bride or groom been verified?

Fresh data reveals a profound sociological shift in that signs of dissipation are no longer presumed to be the sole preserve of men; women are being thoroughly scrutinised as well. Post Siya, a respectable family name is no longer a guarantee of having raised an innocent damsel of stellar character.

A quick Google search revealed the exhausting checklist agencies suggest in the age of online matrimony, beginning with identity fraud. This cynical approach may be the need of the hour, but I can’t help but wonder how the young and hopeful wrap their heads around such depressing protocols. Should someone even be in the reckoning as a life partner if you can’t be sure their Aadhaar and PAN Card are genuine? The agencies sternly warn against precisely this kind of starry-eyed sentimentality by stressing that verification isn’t about suspicion — rather about making an informed decision, knowing the facts on hand. After perusing a private eye’s financial and legal background questionnaire, I noticed with some alarm that I would have totally failed this test. Who, in their misspent youth, hasn’t defaulted on a few credit card bills? Or, not got along with a boss? Maybe, even two-timed a bit. Goof-ups are part of growing up, and there’s the thought that not everybody is super enthused by the pillar-of-society type.

No doubt, this determined quest for transparency stems from a place of existential self-protection; indeed, everyone needs to safeguard themselves from getting embroiled in the horrors of India’s divorce courts. Risk mitigation — the process of planning and taking action to reduce potential threats — when applied to marriage sounds clinical and unromantic, maybe even wrong. It’s saying, before a relationship has even begun, that emotions alone don’t sustain anything. While that’s true, as thinking, feeling human beings, it’s hard to acknowledge that a new journey must begin with a deficit of trust, but that if one is willing to adjust the framing, it’s possible to create something real. We tend to believe that the future of marriage will be more civilised than the past, having ironed out so many imperfections along the way. Much as we try to gather truths and reason our way through life, it’s anybody’s guess how things work out.